IDENTITY CRISIS by CANDICE CHRISTIAN

 amazon.com/author/candiceChristie

IDENTITY CRISIS DIGITAL_BOOK_THUMBNAIL

Kait is a 40 something soccer Mom, active in the PTA and Girl Scouts, until the son of her best friend uncovers her Erotic Writer Identity, while he is fixing her computer. She does what ever she can to stop him from revealing her secret.

Her best friend, Samantha, finds out about the arrangement Kait made with her son and reveals her secret lesbian lifestyle. Samantha wants even more from Kait to keep Kait’s secret. Kait is trapped and submits to the demands of Samantha.

 

SAMPLE OF ‘IDENTITY CRISIS’

“This meeting is never going to end.” Kait Sullivan thought to herself as she looked up on the wall of the makeshift conference room and saw that it was already twenty to eleven.

The regular PTA meeting had broken up over an hour ago and this little gathering of the executive committee was supposed to be brief. Just a quick chance for the committee to settle a few outstanding problems before adjoining for the summer. That was, however, before Mercedes Castillo took the floor. The woman had been speaking non-stop for over half an hour.

The worse part of it was that Mercedes was simply going over what had become by now a tired and familiar path. Every small town PTA, just like their big city counterparts, had their own Mercedes Castillo. A frustrated, stuck up bitty who was determined to save the world from the immoral attitudes of less enlightened folk.

Mercedes’s current crusade was directed against the school board’s decision to use the money raised by the PTA to give Pine Grove Elementary School Wi-Fi and Chrome Books for each student. It was her firm contention that expanding the doors of the INTERNET to the youngest citizens of their small town of 20,000 would create a generation of perverts and sex-addicts. Never mind that it had been explained to her over and over about the access safeguards that would also be installed, making it easier for their kids to access the Playboy channel on their parent’s cable television than adult material on the Internet. Her only response to that was that she’d been against adult access on cable as well.

Kait wondering if Mercedes would have a heart attack if she knew that one of those so called perverts who wrote erotica online was sitting less than ten feet away from her. It’d been three years since she’d first tried her hand at adult fiction under the pen name of Candice Christie.

The name itself had been something of a private joke. Candice was her middle name and Christie had been her maiden name. The response to her stories in that time had been nothing less than phenomenal. Her fan email after each new story usually ran from five hundred to a thousand. What had begun as a lark just to see if she could do it had become a very serious hobby?

Suppressing a groan as the older woman added yet another new verse to her litany, Kait considered that if that didn’t put her into the hospital, she had another little revelation that most surely would. All of the people around the table knew Kait as a wife and mother, cut in the same mold as most of the woman sitting across from her. She was sure that even the most liberal of them would be shocked to learn that for most of her 41 years Kait had lived a life exactly like that Mercedes was so proud to rant against.

From the time she’d had her first experience with another woman back when she was 16, Kait had been a confirmed bisexual. A practice that continued up to this day, even after 8 years of marriage. In fact her last affair with a woman she’d met on a business trip to NYC last year had only ended three months before when the woman moved to the west coast. Tuning out the drone of Mercedes’s voice, Kait let her mind wander. It was a favorite little game she liked to play when she had to kill time. It had come to her over twenty years before while in Air Force basic training and she had to spend a lot of time waiting in line. She’d pick someone around her and weave a sexual fantasy around them. It was a practice that had really paid off since she’d started writing erotica.

Glancing up at Mercedes, Kait concluded she’d be hard pressed to come up with a fantasy for the PTA Vice-president. It wasn’t that she was an unattractive woman, in fact the opposite was true. Kait preferred women who were cute rather than beautiful and Mercedes was certainly cute. The same held true for so many of the PTA members that Kait sometimes secretly joked that the initials stood for Pussy Tits and Ass. It was just that in Mercedes case she couldn’t separate her personality from her body.

One incident that stuck out in her mind about how much that personality grated on her occurred last year when she’d gotten a part time job at the local mall selling lingerie. She’d distributed sales flyer’s to all the women in the PTA since her boss has promised her a bonus if it brought in new business. It most definitely had and she had gotten an added bonus when she was asked by so many of her fellow members to help them judge how they looked in the skimpiest of outfits.

Mercedes of course had pointed out that it was inappropriate to pass out such material, ignoring the fact that every spring she did the same with fliers for her husband’s lawn service. So you could’ve knocked Kait over with a feather when Mercedes’s daughter Teresa showed up at the shop, fliers in hand and asked her to help pick out something really special.

“I want something,” the 23 year old brunette said with a sparkle in her dark brown eyes. “That’s going to make my boyfriend, Christopher, come in his pants when he sees me in it.”

The image of the naked young woman was still fresh in Kait’s mind. 5’4″, about 120 lbs. with a dark complexion, Teresa had the most beautiful pebble-like nipples that begged to be kissed. It took a lot of self-control that day for her to let the full breasted young woman walked away.

Across from Mercedes, who was still going strong, sat Lizzie Koch. A few years younger than Kait, the tall copper-red haired woman was what you would call a full-figured woman. Most Men were quick to pass on a woman who carried more than an extra few pounds but Kait thought it just made Lizzie look that much sexier. There was nothing the brunette loved more than cuddling up between a big soft set of breasts on a cold winter night. She sometimes wondered about Ms. Koch, seeing that she’d moved to Pine Grove only a few years after she herself did. Lizzie described herself as a widow and immediately set up housekeeping with another woman in order, she said, to share costs. A common enough practice for single women, both with children, but still it made Kait wonder.

Next to Lizzie sat Erin Bush. Six years younger than the redhead, Erin had been born in the Philippines. Kait’s height, she had long black shoulder length hair, brown eyes and the most captivating smile. Curvy and touchable was the way Kait always thought of her.

In contrast, sitting across from the Filipina, was Brittany Fuchs. Exactly the same age as Erin, Brittany was as pale as she was dark, the gift of a Scottish heritage. Dark brown eyes peered out from large red glasses. Short curly brown hair topped a full hourglass figure. Brittany had also attended that lingerie sale and it was there that Kait learned of her taste for bondage when she quietly asked if the store carrying anything in that line. While Kait’s downplayed her own experience in that area, she’d been more than happy to give Brittany a few helpful suggestions.

Sitting next to Kait was Evone Wong, the youngest of the group. Only 27, the Chinese woman stood 5’7″. Over a half foot taller than Kait but 2 lbs. lighter, something she always felt was so unfair, Evone had the most kissable lips Kait had seen in a long time. More than a few boring meetings had been spent wondering what it would be like tasting those lips. The fantasy of spending hours kissing Evone changed abruptly last month when the two of them were having coffee one morning and the slim Asian asked Kait if she knew where she could buy a dildo. The older woman had to bite down to resist the urge to say that she had a beautiful strap on upstairs in her night table and would love to demonstrate it. Instead she suggested that a mail order house might be the best choice.

Without much prompting, the image of Evone spread out naked on all fours, her perky little breasts bouncing back and forth filled Kait’s mind. Kneeling behind her, with a firm grip on her hips, Kait’s fantasy self-pounded away at the younger woman. Strapped around her crotch was a long and thick dildo which disappeared and then reappeared as it penetrated her tight pussy again and again.

Quickly becoming lost in the erotic daydream, Kait reached under the table and stroked her the inside of her thigh. She knew her panties and the bare skin beneath them were now wet, but she dared not bring her touch closer. There was things that even she didn’t have the nerve to do. As it was, her attention became so fixed on the fantasy that she didn’t notice when Mercedes finally stopped speaking and Lizzie immediately called for a motion to adjoin. A motion that was seconded simultaneously by Brittany and Erin. She wasn’t even aware that people were getting up to leave until she felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder.

“Kait, the meetings over.” Samantha Downes said in her clipped British accent as she gently nudged her friend.

“Oh, sorry.” Kait replied as she snapped out of her fantasies and ran her hand through her very short black hair. “I guess I was daydreaming.”

“Mercedes has that effect on people.” The redhead smiled. “And I’ve had to listen to her a lot longer than you have.”

Samantha Downes was Kait’s best friend in Pine Grove. A few inches taller than Kait, she was also five years younger. They had become friends six years before when, eight months pregnant, Kait had moved into a house on the same block.

Most of the other neighbors took a wait and see attitude towards the new arrival from New York City. Samantha, having been even more of an outsider with having spent her first 20 years of life living just outside London, thought this rather silly. She had showed up that first morning after the moving vans had left with a map of the area, a list of helpful tips and a tray holding a still hot breakfast.

Samantha was an old hand at the PTA, as her fourth child finished the third grade. Most of the other mothers of first graders were ten or more years younger than Kait so she was doubly grateful that she already had a close friend when her daughter started school last September.

“You’re the lucky one.” The 5’2″ brunette said as she pushed her chair back under the long table. “If you hadn’t gotten that phone call before you’d have had to listen to Mercedes’s speech too.”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Kait.” Samantha whispered. “There wasn’t any phone call. I asked the desk guard to just come in twenty minutes after the meeting started and say I had one. I’ve been on the executive committee too long not to know that Mercedes had at least one more speech in her for the year end meeting.”

“Cheat!” Kait hissed in mock anger as they exited the room.

“You’re only angry because you didn’t think of it too.” The 35 year old said.

Both women laughed.

“Did you finish that report for the summer study group you were working on?” Samantha asked.

“I have most of it on disk, but our computer crashed Wednesday night.” Kait replied. “I was on the phone two hours yesterday with tech support but couldn’t get it working. They promised to have someone come out and take a look at it on Monday.”

“Well just drop the disk off at my house later and I’ll print out what you have.”

“Can I just hide out at your house until Monday?” Kait quipped in a semi-serious voice. “Jim’s going to have a fit when he gets home from his trip Sunday night and finds I crashed the system again.”

“You do seem to do it pretty often.” The younger woman said.

“Can I help it if the machine doesn’t like me?” Kait laughed.

“I have an idea.” Samantha said after a few moments of thought. “My son Nicholas is home from college this week. He’s pretty good with computers, he should be since he’s majoring in them. Why don’t I ask him to stop over after lunch and take a look at it?”

“That’d be great.” Kait gushed. “If he gets it up and running I’ll owe you big time.”

“You really don’t have to owe me, just get me something nice….” Samantha said. “Something like…..him over there.” She added as her voice dropped to a whisper.

Kait tuned to see Dan Lowe, the gym teacher walking down the hallway from the opposite direction. 6’2″ and 225 lbs., the bearded 39 year old bore a striking resemblance to a younger Kenny Rogers, right down to the silver streaks in an otherwise black beard. Striking blue eyes sparkled from behind round tortoise shell glasses, eclipsed only by a broad friendly smile. Samantha whispered a speculation about a non-visible part of his anatomy causing both women to laugh. As he passed, Dave wondered what the joke was.

Kait ran a few errands before heading home. Her daughter had a Scout meeting after school and this was Dora Fletcher’s turn to pick up all the girls and drive them home. The living room clock was just chiming twelve thirty as she closed the front door behind her.

Ten minutes later, Kait had just finished changing out of the dress she’d worn to the PTA meeting and into a simple blue skirt and white blouse, when the doorbell rang.

Opening the door, she was greeted by a muscular young man in red gym shorts and a white Empire State University T-shirt. He stood 5’11” with blue eyes and dark ginger hair. Kait’s first thought that this couldn’t be little Nicholas.

Then again, she really hadn’t seen him since last fall when he went away to college. Despite having just finished his freshman year at State, Nicholas Downes has only just passed his 18th birthday. Always at the top of his class, he’d twice skipped a grade during elementary school.

“Hello Mrs. Sullivan.” He smiled. “My Mom says you’ve been having some problems with your computer.”

“Oh, yes.” She said as she realized that she’d been staring at the young hunk. “Come on in.”

As he stepped inside and Kait closed the door behind him, she couldn’t help but check out his back view as well.

“Nice ass.” She thought to herself.

“So how’s college?” She actually said.

“College is great.” He replied as he stepped into the living room. “There’s so much to learn and do. I’ve even gotten into working out at the gym and biking. Mom kept drumming into me that I had to exercise my body as well as my mind.”

“Well she’s definitely right there.” Kait grinned, hoping that her look didn’t betray a too lustful thought. Like the fact that if she was 20 years younger and all other things being equal she’d like to jump his body right here on the living room carpet. He definitely wasn’t what came to mind when you thought of a computer whiz.

“Should we get started?” He asked.

“What?” Kait replied in a somewhat confused tone.

“The computer? Where do you keep it.?” he asked.

“Oh, the computer.” She answered, telling herself to put that little fantasy out of her mind. There would be time enough to explore it fuller when she crawled into her empty bed tonight. “It’s in the work room upstairs. Come on, I’ll show you.”

“You’ve really fixed the place up since the last time I was here.” Nicholas said as he followed his mother’s friend up the spiral staircase.

“Well with Laura in school now, I have a lot more time to work on it.”

“How’s she like school?” He asked as they reached the top floor.

“Oh she loves it.” Kait said as she opened the door to the work room. “She actually gets constant A’s.”

“That’s great.” Nicholas commented as he stepped past her and sat down in front of the computer.

The college student pulled a small leather folder out of his carry bag and opened it on the desk. As he spread it open, Kait could see it was full of brightly colored floppy disks.

“OK, let’s see what we’ve got.” He said as he hit the power switch and the C:\ prompt appeared on the screen.

Kait watched as the youth began to type in commands too fast for her to follow. What Kait could only describe as gibberish flashed across the screen as Nicholas pulled a silver disk from his folder and slid it into the DVD drive. Then he began to type in a new set of commands.

“This doesn’t look too bad.” He said out loud as he replaced the silver disk with a black one.

Feeling a little silly standing there with nothing to do but watch Nicholas work, Kait asked if he’d like a soda.

“That’d be great.” Nicholas said, never taking his eyes off the monitor screen.

“Coke, Pepsi?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have any Dr. Pepper, would you?” He said, turning around and looking at Kait with a broad smile.

“Let me take a look down in the basement.” Kait said, admiring his smile. “I think there might be some left over from our last party.”

Nicholas was already back at work before Kait exited the room.

As she looked through the cans of soda stacked in the basement pantry, Kait was sure she was going to find a good use for that vibrator she kept in her night table tonight. When she really thought about it, she thought it was funny that she would find Nicholas so attractive. Back when she’d been in high school, she really hadn’t been that interested in guys her age. Then again, at that point in her life, she hadn’t been too interested in guy’s period.

“Bingo!” she said in triumph as she spotted a red can in the back of the shelf.

A quick side trip to the kitchen produced a glass full of ice and a few snacks to go with the soda. As she carefully navigated the stairs with her burden, Kait wondered if Nicholas would still be working on the computer when supper time rolled around.

Stepping into the workroom, Kait’s blue eyes opened wide in amazement as she saw the familiar picture of the starship Enterprise that served as windows wallpaper filling the computer’s monitor screen. She couldn’t have been gone more than ten minutes.

“You fixed it.” She excitedly called out as she set the tray down on the snack table

. “It was nothing, really.” Nicholas said as he began sprouting what Kait categorized as techno-babble. He might look like a varsity player, but he still had the mind of a nerd. Finally he came to the point and said he’d like to run a few more tests on the system.

“Sure, you’re the disk-doctor.” Kait laughed, relieved that she now didn’t have to even mention to her husband that the computer had crashed.

Leaving Nicholas to his work, Kait spent the next ten minutes cleaning up the adjacent bedroom. She was wondering if she should offer him money for the work he’d done. Even though he was doing it as a favor for his mother, Kait felt she should at least make the gesture. And if he accepted, so much the better.

“Oh shit!” Nicholas yelled loud enough to be heard in the next room.

Kait dropped what she was doing and rushed out into the hallway.

“I don’t believe it!” He continued.

“What’s wrong?” Kait called out as she burst into the room, visions of a totally ruined hard drive in her head.

It was a few seconds before Nicholas took his eyes off the screen. A screen filled with Windows 95’s Explorer and a few open text files.

“What’s the matter?” Kait asked, unable to imagine what could’ve caused the young man’s reaction.

“You’re Candice Christie!” Nicholas exclaimed as the older woman stepped into the room.

“Oh God!” Kait mentally exclaimed as the words died stillborn in her throat. It was her worse nightmare come true.

From where she now stood, she could see that the open Word files contained two unfinished stories as well as email addressed to her Candices’ identity. Mentally she gave herself a swift kick in the ass. For the longest time she had been planning to install some sort of security program to protect those files. A necessity prompted by her daughter’s new found reading skills and her desire to read anything her eyes came across. She reminded herself every time she opened one of the files but never seemed to get around to it. After a moment’s reflection, remembering Nicholas’s skill with the keyboard, a security program mightn’t made a difference.

The young man was still going on, his voice reflecting both excitement and apology at the same time. His words were coming out so fast that Kait had trouble making a few of them out.

“I really wasn’t trying to be noisy.” He said. “I was just checking the file directory and saw the folder ‘Candice Christie. I thought it must’ve been some other Candice Christie. I mean, why would a woman like you save a bunch of dirty stories? Not that I think they are dirty or anything like that. Then I thought, hey why not, after all they’re really great tales. So I just opened it up to see if it was really the same Candice and if you had any stories I didn’t have.”

The 18 year old finally paused and took a breath. Then he went right on at the same rapid clip.

“Then instead of a few stories it opened up to another set of folders – a story archive, unfinished work, email and story ideas. It took me a few seconds to realize what it all meant, then it hit me like a brick. It was so obvious. You’re really Candice Christie!”

Still stunned and unable to think of any other explanation, Kait nodded her head in confirmation.

“This is unbelievable.” He said, his voice still racing with animation. “Everyone back at school reads your stuff – both the guys and the girls. I even wrote you a few fan letters and you answered them. Who’d have believed I was emailing the lady down the block. I’m nichO69@hotstuff.com

Kait smiled as she recognized the name. His letters had been quite good and showed a smart young man with quite an imagination. He’d even shared a few of his fantasies.

The smile faded as Kait recalled what those fantasies had been about. Because he had been two years younger than his classmates the last few years, Nicholas hadn’t really been that successful with the ladies. Until this year and the change in his appearance, he’d been considered something of a nerd, if that was still the term they used. He had shared his deepest secret a few months back, that he was still a virgin. Kait wondered for a moment if that was still true.

“Wait until I go back to school and tell my friends that I live down the block from Candice Christie.”

That statement caught Kait’s immediate attention, shattering any idle speculation she might’ve had about Nicholas virginity.

“No! you can’t!” She snapped back.

Nicholas was caught off guard by the vehemence of her retort. That and the look of horror on Kait’s face.

“Nicholas, you can’t tell anyone that I’m Candice Christie.” Kait said as she composed herself as best she could. “Most people in this town wouldn’t understand. God, I don’t think even your mother would understand and she’s my best friend.”

What she didn’t say was that if Samantha didn’t understand, what someone like Mercedes would do with that knowledge. Probably go out and organize a committee, or more likely a lynch mob, to run her out of town on a rail. After an old fashion tar and feathering of course.

After Nicholas thought about it a little he realized that Kait was right. He couldn’t tell anyone. It would have to be their secret.

“I guess you’re right.” He said. “But it seems so unfair. Everyone would’ve been so impressed.”

“I’m sorry.” Kait said as she saw the disappointment on his face. “If there was any other way I could help I would. I really appreciate your fixing my computer. If you want, I could pay you for that.”

“I don’t want any money.” Nicholas said as he explained that he had done the repairs as a favor to his mother. He paused for a few moments, then his face suddenly lit up again.

“I know how you can make it up to me!” He suddenly added in an even more thrilled voice.

“I don’t like the sound of that.” Kait thought as warning bells went off in her head. Again her attention drifted back to his emailed fantasies of having an older woman initiate him sexually.

“RRRiiiinnnngggggg!”

The abrupt ring of the desktop phone caught Kait in mid-word, just as she was about to ask him to explain himself.

“I’ll take that in the other room.” Kait said as she seized on the interruption and practically ran for the extension in the bedroom. “You wait right here, don’t go anywhere!”

From the wide eyed look on Nicholas face, the older woman needn’t have worried about him going anywhere.

The phone call had turned out to be a saleswoman for the local cable company. She was surprised by Kait’s excessive courtesy in declining their latest must have offer. It was just a reflection of her relief at the much needed pause.

Staring at herself in the large bedroom mirror, Kait debated what she should do. She was sure Nicholas was going to ask her to help him live out his fantasy.

She was older than his mother for goodness sake, and not nearly as attractive. It had always been her personality that men and women had found attractive. That and a highly erotic imagination. Why in the world would a good looking young man like Nicholas want a 41 year old mother who had to admit to herself that she’d never quite got back into the shape she’d had before her pregnancy some years before? Maybe he had a fixation on older women?

Taking a second look at her reflection, Kait realized she’s sold herself short. True, she wasn’t what anyone would describe as beautiful, but then again she never was. Even as a teen she preferred to be thought of as cute and despite the passage of years and the addition of a few pounds, she still was.

In addition, Nicholas was looking at her through the eyes of adulation. Like a lover, he saw what he wanted to see, even if it reality didn’t match the fantasy. What she also hadn’t really considered was that Nicholas had also been well exposed to both the personality and imagination that she so prized. Both was clearly evident in her stories – her creations.

“What am I thinking?” She asked herself. “This is insane. Even if he wasn’t Samantha’s son, I can’t do this. Even back when I was Candice Christie for real I wouldn’t just meet someone and fall into bed with them.” She said to her reflection in the mirror.

A silent voice answered back. “Be honest with yourself, Kait.” it said. “You very well could and more than a number of times very well did do just that.”

True, most of those times had been with other women but enough had been with men to have mattered.

“So what do I do?” she asked her Doppelganger.

“What would Candice Christie do?” Came her counterpart’s reply.

Looking deep within herself and being totally honest, Kait admitted that the idea of fucking Nicholas was both compelling and exciting. It’d been so many years since she’d done anything that wild and crazy. She found that she’d missed the feeling.

In the nearly nine years she’d been married, Kait had more than a few affairs with other women. Her husband Jim had both known about them and been comfortable with their existence. It’d been almost fifteen years since she’d been with another man and until this moment she couldn’t have imagined any set of circumstances that would’ve prompted her to want to try. Yet in all the wildness of her youth, one of the few things she’d never done was have sex with a virgin. She was sure Jim would understand how much this meant to her. How much it would mean to her.

Then, like a rocket, it hit her. She had imperceptibly gone from debating the idea to justifying it. She had crossed the line.

“This is crazy!” She mentally repeated to herself as she stepped out into the hall.

It was a phrase she’d oftentimes reminded herself in her younger days, usually before some kind of sexual adventure. With it came the usual response. “Hey, in 20 years who’s going to care?”

 

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